A Little Less Mrs. Smith

The next few days are absolutely nuts in my house so I wanted to wish
everyone a merry Christmas! I work tomorrow until 5:00 and have to get
home, get everyone ready, and be back out the door by 5:45 to go to
Ray’s uncle’s. By the time we get home it will be way late, Danielle
will enthusiastically scream the entire 45 minute car ride, and I will
then put on my Santa hat and lay out the presents. The girls (3 years,
and 7 months) will repeatedly wake me up until about 7. Bleary eyed I
will run down the steps ina panic to grab my video camera and film Pammy
seeing all the gifts under the tree. After gifts we will have breakfast,
then give everyone naps, then off to my Mom’s, then to his mom’s, and
then come home to start the bedtime routine. I can’t think about it or
it will exhaust me from here. We have parties too next weekend,
Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Oi! I love this time of year but it does get
so hectic! Have a blessed Christmas! Enjoy the time with family and
friends

Hi guys!

Just jumping online tonight researching cameras. I am supposed to get a new digital camera for Christmas. Originally I wanted the D40 fromNikon, but I know nothing about DSR. I just want a really good click and shoot so I have been researching them and comparing them and stuff.

I have been drinking my water. Exercised 3 times this week even with the holiday insanity. I have many small steps left but nothing big. I hate wrapping gifts but it is on my agenda.

I am glad I will be starting this new year already with exercise being a pattern and starting to bemore healthy.

I am gettting pretty tired. I need to stay up just long enough to change the loads over. I weighed in today at 256, still maintaining. yay! I rode the exercise bike 3 times last week despite the chaos my life seems to be in lately.  It is the holidays, it will settle after the holidays.  I have been working extra shifts plus it was my Christmas party at work this weekend.  Keeping up with the girls…..keeping up with the laundry, it is just a mess! I just wanted tp upddate to stay in the habit. I hope everyone is doing well!

-Nicole

Right now I am trying to maintain until the New Year. I am riding an exercise for 5-10 minutes 3-4 times a week to get my body used to some kind of motion. In the New Year I hope to ride for 15, and gradually increase while incorporating some other kinds of workouts as time allows.

I am upping my water. I used to drink nothing but water and Milk and I need to get back to that. Over the holidays I allow my self the occasional Pepsi (ice cold Pepsi in a can is a weakness) and at party functions I am only allowed one glass of wine due to breastfeeding. I ma making sure I drink 3 bottles for the rest of this week, daily, and next week I will up to 4.

Looking at my body I have already noticed changes. Yesterday in the mirror I wondered if my face looked a bit thinner. Then when I was washing I felt like my thighs felt different, smoother maybe? And my belly-I can see changes already. These are changes I wouldn’t expect anyone else to notice, but I do, and I am beyond pumped. The scale showed a 2 pound loss and then I was back at 256, and that is fine. Let’s ring in 2007 at 256, and see what I ring 2008 at.

Before I was pregnant with Pammy I lost 50 pounds with an online buddy. I know I can do it again. And with the support I am already getting I know I am in the right place.

Yesterday was my husband’s party. It was the first for him at his new company. (He changed jobs in April rightbefore I had Danielle) I hate dressing up and wearing heels. I feel so self conscience and LARGE. My Mom, sister, and Ray kept telling me how nice I looked on the way out. It is such a  shame that I feel like they say that because they love me, and that is what you are supposed to say when someone is dresed up. I looked nice compared to my normal every day fatness but I still hated how I looked, even the pimped out version of me. Pity Party, Table for 1! It is sucha shame because so many people love me, all of me, as I am, but I can’t stand it. When I am done breastfeedng I am going to go to a nutrionalist or dietician I think. I wrote this on Saturday but for some reason I cannot publish my entries from home.

Food is…..my worst “bad habit.”  I eat out of boredome, eat when I am sad, eat when I am just chilling. Food centers all of my family’s get togethers.  My Aunts and my Moma re some of the best cooks and bakers around.   I work at a restauarant and food surrounds me. Food is my best friend and my nemesis. I need to make some better choices. I need to teach myself portion control.

———————

That is my Dr. Marc questioon of the day.   Now onto just daily life. Both of the girls are napping and Val gave me a great idea to show the progress of my weightloss with a timeline to a set goal in a scrapbook. I have expounded on it and really love the idea. I am excited to get started on it.

Does anyone watch Desperate Housewives? Tell me the ending wasn’t gut wrenching?

For some reason I cannot get these entries to publish when I am at home. Would anyone know why? Hope you are well!

My feelings about my weight are…

I feel trapped. Like I am stuck this way. I feel hypocritical, I love every single person I know-skinny, fat, ugly or pretty but I hate myself. I hate that I hate myself. I feel scared. I feel like I need to do something or I will die young, and it was almost be like food suicide, lack of movemnet suicide. I feel like somewhere inside of me like I must not care about myself or I would take care of myself and be healthier. I feel scared that my lifestyle will set a bad example to my girls and they will either be fat like me or hate them selves and I want them to love themselves. I wish I could love myself and not avoid the mirror. I wish I could be as happy about my weight as I am with the rest of my life. I feel like I need to do something. Like crass Aunt Dee used to say, “Sh!t or get off the pott.”  I need to stop saying I am “going to do this and that” I need to keep a journal, do it, and then when I am a success, toot my own horn.

I am at work. When I am home I am going to try and work on Dr. Marc’s questions over the next week or so.

My goal is to ride the exercise bike for 5-10 minutes 3-4 days a week until aftr the holidays. I am also working on drinking more water. I want to come out of the holidays 256- not gaining a pound. Plus starting the exercise routine now will hopefully have it a habit by the time the New Year rolls around.

I have been riding the exercise bike for a few weeks for only 5-10 minutes a few times a week and I can already see a difference in my stomach and thighs.

I hope everyone is well. I hope to meet some people in the same boat as me.

Good luck and have a great weightloss week!

Nicole

I took the time to read dr. Marc’s welcome pack and am going  to follow some of his suggestions. I am going to try and spend some time answering his questions under Motive analysis. 

I want to lose weight because….

I have a secret fear of having a heart attack one day at a PTA meeting.

I have been overweight since 6th grade, and obese since 15-16. I am tired of being Plus Sized.

I want to be healthy. Not get winded easily. I want to grow old with out following apart because of the stress being overweight has put on my body over the years.

My 10 year class reunion is next year. I’d like to weigh less then the 209 pounds I graduated at, and weigh less then the 256 I am at right now.

I don’t want to feel self conscious about my largeness.

Being fat gets old.